What do relationships mean to you? Q&A

By The Sexpression Committee

Whether friends, lovers, sisters, or strangers, we all have relationships. As Melbourne delves deeper into lockdown, those we love are kept further away or kept still too close. Either way, reflecting on our relationships seems unavoidable. 

So, we asked three people, what do relationships mean to you?

What do relationships mean to you?

By The Committee

Whether friends, lovers, sisters, or strangers, we all have relationships. As Melbourne delves deeper into lockdown, those we love are kept further away or kept still too close. Either way, reflecting on our relationships seems unavoidable. 

So, we asked three people, what do relationships mean to you?

Anonymous 1:

How important are romantic relationships to you?

Yeah, I think when I was in high school they were really important to me. I think I thought they were what you had to do and what everyone should be aspiring for? I didn’t really consider other options. Then when I left home and I moved to Melbourne they just became so unimportant to me. 

Friends became so important, and finding a family in Melbourne was important to me! The more I thought about relationships they just kind of…disgusted me haha. Just the idea of being so… attached to another person and you know, having to factor them into my life when I’m so young and have so many decisions to make… sort of setting myself up and finding myself. A relationship just seems like it would get in the way of that. 

What is your relationship history?

My relationship history is pretty sparse haha. I had my first boyfriend when I was 15 and we dated for like, 8 months? And then since then it’s been a series of causal things, like hook-ups and just… honestly disasters haha.  

What does self-love mean to you?

I think this is something that I’m really trying to discover at the moment and don’t yet know… But I think it would look something like doing things for myself just to make me happy. And things that are nice for myself. And they can be little things you know? Lighting a fucking candle and, you know… moisturising! Haha. Just the little things that I don’t prioritise because I haven’t been prioritising myself. Despite not being in a romantic relationship I think I’ve still been prioritising other things over caring for myself. 

What’s the most important relationship in your life right now?

To be honest, and especially with lockdown at the moment, I think the most important relationship in my life right now is [the one] with myself. Because I think this situation has forced me to spend a lot of time on my own and that’s never something that I’ve been… good at and it’s never been something that I’ve enjoyed. I think I’ve realised that I moved from a family into a college where I was constantly around people and then when I moved into a share house and life became a bit more like, independent…you know I’m going to have to spend a lot of time on my own and I need to get good at that and I need to… enjoy it. 

What does an ideal relationship look like in the future? (Thoughts on marriage, kids, self-partnering, non-monogamy)

I think this is a tricky one for me to answer having not been in a relationship for a long time and not being ready to be in one. I don’t see marriage, I don’t think that that is something I would want to do. Um….but you never know. Honestly sometimes I think that I just want to be a single mum. I wanna be Lorelai and Rory! Haha. 

Anonymous 2:

What is your relationship history?

My relationship history is a bit of a mess…Oh god this is quite hard! I definitely have
a lot of unrequited love in my romantic career haha. But, in saying that I’ve certainly
learnt so much about myself and about what I want from a partner through dating.
And now I’m in a beautiful, lovely, stable relationship.

How important are romantic relationships to you?

I mean they are important to me to a certain degree but growing up it was always my
friendships that took priority. When I was in high school I never really wanted or saw
myself in a relationship because I, I don’t know, I just saw people getting hurt around
me a lot and I didn’t think that that seemed very appealing! And also growing up my
Mum was a single mum and she had really close friends and she was always really
connected to them. People were always coming in and out of the house, and so I
think, I just had it drilled into me that friendships are, you know, enough. But I mean
romantic relationships can be nice and I do obviously value them, I am in one right now.
But… friends are… the family that you choose haha.

What’s the most important relationship in your life right now?

My relationship with my current partner is really important to me at the moment
because it’s the sort of healthiest and most mature relationship I’ve ever been in.
I’m trying to utilise all the information I’ve gathered from my past dating experiences 
to try to not fuck it up. But in saying that, my relationships with my housemates are
extremely important right now because of the circumstances. We’re spending every
day, every night together, so… wanna keep it cute.

What’s your ideal relationship look like in the future? Do you see marriage? Kids?
What do you see?

I definitely see a wedding in the future but not necessarily the sort of formal aspects
of a marriage. But I love the idea of just a big celebration of a partnership and of
love. And kids? I sometimes am all for them and sometimes the state of the world is too scary to… it feels kind of inappropriate to bring kids into the world. So…yeah. But, I do like the idea of a long-term partner but I don’t know how many there will be? I think there could be a few of them.

What does self-love mean to you?

I think to me self-love means backing myself, speaking up when something doesn’t
sit right with me, or something has hurt me. It’s being authentic, being genuine to
who I am and what I believe in. And it means challenging my inner critic, and not accepting my inner critic as truth. Interrogating that and challenging that. Yep. I think that’s what it means.

Anonymous 3:

How important are relationships to you? 

Really important…just to get that out of the way first! But I think, ah… it’s more like relationships broadly speaking. So, I’m not talking about romantic relationships necessarily, more like relationships with my family, my friends that I really value… especially at the moment. 

What is your relationship history? 

Um, again bit of a non-romantic relationship history! Not for lack of wanting, but maybe for lack of trying. I think, again when you’re talking about relationships it can be really broad. So I’m really grateful I have a lot of really beautiful friends in my life, and really beautiful platonic relationships. I love my family a lot, and yeah…In terms of romantic relationship history thats’s..haha something I prefer usually not to divulge too much into but I guess…um, yeah I dunno. Haha. 

What’s the most important relationship in your life right now? 

Phew. Um, like right at the very minute? I suppose my relationship with my housemates is really important because we are spending day-in day-out with each other haha. I’m lucky enough to have two really nice housemates who I get along with really well who are also really good friends. But I suppose more generally speaking I do think the relationships you have with your friends are so, like fundamental in sort of…defining who you are. And you’re so influenced by your friends and you also influence your friends and so it’s like really important to have these great relationships in that department haha. 

What is your ideal future relationship? 

Um… I don’t know, it’s so hard! I think these turbulent times have really made trying to make plans that much more difficult. But I certainly have always…I think in future I do want to have like, kids and a partner. And that could mean marriage. I think that is something I would quite like but of course it would depend one what my partner wants too. Yeah… like I think there’s also…there’s a lot of really nice things about that sort of nuclear family unit but it also has its limitations so… we shall see! Haha. 

What does self love mean to you? 

Um, yeah this is a really tough one. And it’s also something that I personally really struggle with… so yeah I’m probably not the best person to be asking about this haha! But, I think self love is like…comes from a place of self acceptance and that always has to come first. And I also think that in loving other people… you can, you know be better at loving yourself I suppose. And… yeah I’m certainly learning that it takes a lot of work and it’s not something that just comes easily and it is… it can be really hard to work on but yeah it’s really important. 

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